What should I do?

[a guest]

Since we have been back from vacation (three weeks ago), my three-year-old son has simply not acted in his usual positive manner.  He is hot tempered, seeks negative attention, does not listen, and acts like a knucklehead.

Yesterday, his pre-school teacher said the same thing.  She said that he simply does not listen to her since he has been back. 

So, last night we had a talk and he said that he "wishes his friends would stop hitting him".

If there is truth in this statement, what should I do?  I didn't think I would have to have the "bully talk" until middle school.

[Drooke]

Wow! That is a tough one a guest!  I'm not sure I can really give you any sound advice other than follow your instincts....one thing I have learned about you is that you are a very level headed intellectual individual who imo will say/do the correct thing.

oh...one thing though from my experience with a 3 and 4.5 yr old....when something is bothering them and they open up, it is typically the truth.

[Drooke]

haha....I didnt see this was a poll.....lol!!!!

I'm going with numero dos.

[AKIN]

I voted to get with the teacher first. Hopefully she/he can do something about  it without it adversely affecting your son. If that doesn't work, then I would step up and talk to the other kids parents.

[a guest]

Now, tis may be a shot in the dark, but I thought about this also:

When we were on vacation, my son needed to use the bathroom when we were at a restaurant. The bathroom was down a couple flights of stairs and I went with him.  At the top of the stairs, he turned around to make sure I was with him. Unfortunately, this meant he was not paying attention when he took his first step on the stairs....and fell down the first flight face first.  He did not black out, but he had an lump above his eye the size of a chicken egg and was freaked out.  (Think Hassim Rahman vs. Evander Holyfield).

Could this have anything to do with his behavior change? Do concussions affect in this way?

[Cougar1]

#4 is what normal parents WANT to do. #2 is my suggestion.

I've never known concussions to affect behavior like that but I have seen bullying result in some changes. Hope you come up with a plan that works. Best wishes to you and the little guy.

[ViseGrip]

Now, tis may be a shot in the dark, but I thought about this also:

When we were on vacation, my son needed to use the bathroom when we were at a restaurant. The bathroom was down a couple flights of stairs and I went with him.  At the top of the stairs, he turned around to make sure I was with him. Unfortunately, this meant he was not paying attention when he took his first step on the stairs....and fell down the first flight face first.  He did not black out, but he had an lump above his eye the size of a chicken egg and was freaked out.  (Think Hassim Rahman vs. Evander Holyfield).

Could this have anything to do with his behavior change? Do concussions affect in this way?

Its probably nothing, but if the bullying stops (I voted 2) and he's still cranky, go see the Doc, who will probably order a CAT-Scan to diagnose/cover his ass.

[sgallan]

Number two is the obvious one.

One thing I did with my kid is tell her...... tell the teacher every time somebody is doing something wrong. Do it right away. Most teachers, at that age group, knowing the kids, can tell whether it is the truth, and can get the truth out of the kid(s) who might be bullying. Usually it is a tears and lesson issue with times outs, card turned, parents called, and all of that. It might take a few times and even a trip to the Principal (trauma and drama at that age) but they can be reigned in.

These are very young children..... they need to be held accountable but are not really at fault... they need to be taught.

If the issue isn't resolved then you need to get your kid out of the school.


As far as the brain concussion issue...... I might be the wrong guy to ask.... my kid had a TBI that has never been diagnosed, left her partially paralyzed and basically needing 24/7 care for months, and while physically 100%,  still can't read at more than 30% of her previous level (up from 3% last year so there is hope), and to this day has not been diagnosed (which means no ESS services, extra time to take the SAT, and so on). Neurology is in it's infancy yet neurologists think they know everything.

[a guest]

Teacher actually called me early this week.  She told me that ever since vacation, my son has been more aggressive at school.  She said that she has not noticed anyone hitting him, but that because he has been more grabby, someone could have smacked him as retaliation for him taking another kid's thing or cutting in line, etc...

I told her that after he came back from vacation, I had to stay back on a business trip. Therefore, I did not come home with my family and stayed behind for a week.  I wonder if he has been acting up because dad was not around for a week and he was seeking negative attention.  After all, negative attention is still attention.

[Cougar1]

After all, negative attention is still attention.

Unfortunately true.   

[Viratas]

Have him watch this video. But oin a serious note. Talk to the teachers and confirm what he is telling you. Then using it as a teaching/learning expierence for the kids, teach them why what they may be doing is wrong, also teach your son how he can handle it in the future. Who should he talk to do, what actions can he take etc...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5zb1w3otmWM

[MetsFan]

a guest - Anything further on what was going on with your boy?

[a guest]

I am not too worried anymore.  He is back in PreSchool (the same one as listed above).  My wife went to an open house a couple of weeks ago at the school and saw him interact with the other kids.  From what she noticed:

1. Our son is younger and much smaller than the other kids at school that he hangs out with.  If he is going to play rough, he's going to get roughed up. Simple as that.

2. Most of his friends have moved onto another school for formal pre-k. However, that school is too far away from us and out of our price range. Plus, our kid is 3 years old, I am not ready for the academic stuff yet. We read to him every day and play with him every day as well.  We really just want him social and know his Pleases and Thank Yous.

3. He is still acting like a knucklehead at home.  When I am home alone with the kids he gets really upset that my wife is not home to take care of his baby sister. So, when I pay attention to her, he does really rash things to get my attention. He truly believes in the fact that negative attention is still attention. Unfortunately, when he acts up, he believes that simply saying "I'm sorry" wipes the action away.  It is almost like he has Diplomatic Immunity within the home. Bothersome for us, but I am sure is just a symptom of being 3.

4. I hope when we head to the US for a couple of weeks next month he van get some time in with our families so that he can get attention from people besides my wife and I.

[a guest]

BTW, thanks for asking Metsfan.  Speaking of my son....he just woke up.  Have a great day all