Author Topic: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton  (Read 5756 times)

Offline TobusRex

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Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« on: April 16, 2015, 05:49:05 AM »
TULSA, OK—In a major coup for the growing field of creation science, the perfectly preserved remains of a 5,000-year-old Tyrannosaurus Rex were delivered Monday to Tulsa's Creationist Museum of Natural History.

"The Good Lord has, in His benevolence, led us to an important breakthrough for scientific inquiry," Creationist Museum of Natural History curator Dr. Elijah Gill said. "Our museum has many valuable and exciting exhibits that testify to Creation and shine light on the Lord's divine plan. But none have been as exciting—or anywhere near as old—as this new T. Rex specimen named 'Methuselah.' This skeleton, which dates back to roughly 3,000 B.C., offers the most compelling proof yet that the Earth was made by God roughly 10,000 years ago."

Added Gill: "It's awe-inspiring to gaze on something that actually lived here on Earth, so very many years ago."

Methuselah was discovered last summer in northern Turkey by a team of Oral Roberts University archaeologists, who were on a dig searching for the Tower of Babel. According to Gill, the skeleton, which stands nearly 20 feet tall, possesses terrifying, razor-sharp teeth and claws, confirming that it was an evil beast in league with Satan, the Great Deceiver.

Using advanced dating processes from the cutting edge of biblical paleontology, the Oral Roberts team determined that Methuselah lived during the late Antediluvian period, or "The Age of the Dinosaurs." They said the pristine condition of the find strongly suggests that it perished in the Great Flood, fossilizing quickly and thoroughly due to the tremendous water pressure during the event.

"It was a truly majestic beast," said Gill, gazing up at the massive skeleton. "One almost has to mourn that there was no room for it on the Ark."

Gill called the discovery "a powerfully compelling refutation" of secular scientists' long-held assertion that dinosaurs lived on Earth millions of years before humans.

"The fact that no human remains were found anywhere in the vicinity of the site of the skeleton serves as proof of the tyrannosaur's ferocity and huge appetite," Gill said.

"At most," he added, "tyrannosaurs existed a few days before the first humans, given that the birds and the beasts were created early in the week, and Adam and Eve were made on the sixth day."

Founded in 1874, the Creationist Museum of Natural History has amassed a collection of thousands of exhibits from around the world demonstrating that the Earth was made by the hand of a Divine Creator over the course of a week, roughly 10,000 years ago. Among its most prized exhibits are a trilobite believed to have lived during the Jewish Exodus and a stunning specimen of "Java Gibbon."

Methuselah has caused such a stir that even supporters of evolutionary science have found themselves caught up in "T. Rex Fever." Christopher Eldridge, director of New York's Museum of Natural History, raved that the acquisition was "absolutely inconceivable" and "not to be believed." Dr. Harmon Briggs, a Smithsonian Institution paleobiologist, gushed in a phone interview that the discovery of the 5,000-year-old beast was "mind-boggling" and "in defiance of all the human senses."

Said Gill: "I have even received an exciting letter from a paleontologist at UCLA asserting that Methuselah could be even older than 5,000 years. Who knows, it might even date back to the Sixth Day of Creation."

The T. Rex skeleton will be on public display at the museum beginning Feb. 3. Conversions will be performed every two hours at the museum's baptismal font, located in the Apologetics wing.

http://www.theonion.com/articles/creationist-museum-acquires-5000yearold-t-rex-skel,13/
Have you got to get rid of all your knowledge and all your common sense to save your soul? - Clarence Darrow

Offline ViseGrip

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #1 on: April 16, 2015, 04:15:53 PM »
Its nice to know that we're (Okies) still livin rent free in your head.
"The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all that want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics" -Thomas Sowell

Offline mspart

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #2 on: April 16, 2015, 04:31:02 PM »
Ahh, he loves you guys. 

mspart

Offline ViseGrip

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #3 on: April 16, 2015, 04:59:58 PM »
He's a Sooner born and a Sooner bred, and when he dies... he'll be a Sooner dead.
"The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all that want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics" -Thomas Sowell

Offline red viking

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #4 on: April 17, 2015, 07:51:24 AM »
Its nice to know that we're (Okies) still livin rent free in your head.

Did you notice it was the Onion?
"Of all the tyrannies that affect mankind, tyranny in religion is the worst." Thomas Paine

Offline TobusRex

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #5 on: April 17, 2015, 08:45:21 AM »
Its nice to know that we're (Okies) still livin rent free in your head.

Did you notice it was the Onion?

The best part is when people don't catch it :D
Have you got to get rid of all your knowledge and all your common sense to save your soul? - Clarence Darrow

Offline TobusRex

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #6 on: April 17, 2015, 08:47:24 AM »
He's a Sooner born and a Sooner bred, and when he dies... he'll be a Sooner dead.

Texas born, I'm ashamed to say. It was beyond my control   :'(
Have you got to get rid of all your knowledge and all your common sense to save your soul? - Clarence Darrow

Offline ViseGrip

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #7 on: April 17, 2015, 11:00:07 AM »
He's a Sooner born and a Sooner bred, and when he dies... he'll be a Sooner dead.

Texas born, I'm ashamed to say. It was beyond my control   :'(

That explains a lot.
"The first lesson of economics is scarcity: There is never enough of anything to satisfy all that want it. The first lesson of politics is to disregard the first lesson of economics" -Thomas Sowell

Offline Cougar1

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #8 on: April 18, 2015, 03:47:20 PM »
He's a Sooner born and a Sooner bred, and when he dies... he'll be a Sooner dead.

Texas born, I'm ashamed to say. It was beyond my control   :'(
There may yet be hope for you since you obviously originated from good stock.  :)
“Once abolish the God and the government becomes the God.”

― G.K. Chesterton

Offline ocianain

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The Seeking For One Thing Will Find Another - Irish Proverb

Offline ctc

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #10 on: April 19, 2015, 09:03:20 AM »
Hey, theonion is fairly accurate this time.  Look at all this artwork.  How did historic man know what dinos looked like?

http://www.genesispark.com/exhibits/evidence/historical/ancient/dinosaur/
"We can state with conviction, therefore, that a man's support for absolute government is in direct proportion to the contempt he feels for his country" - Alexis de Tocqueville

Offline TobusRex

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #11 on: April 22, 2015, 09:10:29 PM »
Hey, theonion is fairly accurate this time.  Look at all this artwork.  How did historic man know what dinos looked like?

http://www.genesispark.com/exhibits/evidence/historical/ancient/dinosaur/

HAHAHAHAHA!
Have you got to get rid of all your knowledge and all your common sense to save your soul? - Clarence Darrow

Offline AKIN

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #12 on: April 23, 2015, 07:50:23 PM »
That website has some interesting interpretations of scripture. Unfortunately, interpretation is normally skewed to what the particular person wants it to say.
Imagine the good that could be done, if people were less worried about their differences, and more worried about doing good for everyone.

Offline ctc

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #13 on: April 23, 2015, 08:40:28 PM »
That website has some interesting interpretations of scripture. Unfortunately, interpretation is normally skewed to what the particular person wants it to say.
I don't know about the interpretations.  I only read where the art came from and the time frame it is from.
"We can state with conviction, therefore, that a man's support for absolute government is in direct proportion to the contempt he feels for his country" - Alexis de Tocqueville

Offline TobusRex

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Re: Creationist Museum Acquires 5,000-Year-Old T. Rex Skeleton
« Reply #14 on: April 24, 2015, 08:02:04 AM »
He's a Sooner born and a Sooner bred, and when he dies... he'll be a Sooner dead.

Texas born, I'm ashamed to say. It was beyond my control   :'(
There may yet be hope for you since you obviously originated from good stock.  :)

Good God..you are a Texan? That's not a point of pride my friend!
Have you got to get rid of all your knowledge and all your common sense to save your soul? - Clarence Darrow